Today in the Dail

by David ****

Political correspondent

Today in the Dail

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The Taoiseach: FUCK it. We're up shit creek without a paddle.

Enda Kenny: I don't want to be mealy mouthed, but does the government know what its doing?

Eamon Gilmore: The trouble with this country is that it is run by bean counters. I want to be chief bean counter.

Caoimhean O'Caolain: I know what to do. Rob banks.

A Backbencher: The bankers have done that already.

The Taoiseach: We're all in the same boat, its called the Titanic. I got us get into this mess, but I haven't a FUCKING clue how to get out of it.

The head of the Green Party: We can all go and live in the woods.

The Minister for Finance: In my budget, I have managed to protect the property developers and the bankers.

The Minister for Blather: The Equality Authority is introducing measures to go some way towards bringing the Civil Servants into equality with the rest of us, and they FUCKING hate it.

Eamon O'Cuiv: Liathroidi, Liathroidi, Liathroidi.

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Explanation

For the “New Irish”. (Make yourselves at home)

Dail (dawl) means parliament. An Taoiseach (on teashock) is Irish for "the prime minister".

History: An Taoiseach used the "F" word in the Dail.

Enda Kenny leads the main opposition party, which gets elected only by default.

Eamon Gilmore heads the Labour party, which "always wrestles with its conscience, and always wins".

Caoimhin O'Caoilain represents Sinn Fein, also called Sinn Fein/I.R.A.

A banker fiddled one hundred and eighty million euros.

The Green party may be "as green as they're cabbage looking".

The Equality Authority placed an advertisement headed "Man Wanted".

Eamon O'Cuiv force feeds the people with the Irish language.

"Liathroidi" (leahroedee) is plural of the English word, "ball".

"Who's Minding the Store?" - the Marx Brothers.

About our Correspondent

(by his brother)

He picks his nose, uses the "F" word and scratches his liathroidi.